All weekend I tried to write. Actually, every weekend I try to write. Sometimes I get something down, but most of the time, nada.
This terrifies me.
If I’m going to somehow make a life for myself that involves writing, shouldn’t I be able to do it all the time? Shouldn’t I be overcome with inspiration and motivation to work at every possible moment? Does this hesitation and lack of ambition mean I’m on the wrong path?
For two full days I sat and stared at this screen, words refusing to come together in a meaningful fashion. I tried everything. I went for a walk, I tried to meditate – I even braved weekend traffic to head to the beach. No matter what I wrote, they were just words. They held no meaning, expressed no emotion.
For two full days I was not a writer. Maybe I never was.
For someone who has quit her corporate gig to pursue a “passion” for writing, I seemed to be in little supply of the stuff.
I often feel like I made a mistake. Like I’m not supposed to do this. Yet, here I am, writing this post. It’s not going to win any awards, but I wrote something, and I think that counts.
Writing and posting pretty much anything scares me, but not writing scares me even more.
To be continued….
© 2011 – 2012, FearLess Jenn. All rights reserved.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
As someone who deals with fear in my writing life, too, I really identified with your piece. My blog is even called Chronic Hesitater!
Trusting yourself to find the answers is important. Many writers seem to feel that it may be part of the process at times. Writing coaching can help you get to a different space, if that fits for you.
I’m glad you posted this–it’s one breakthrough of many.
Hi Jan,
Great name for your site! While I’m not glad you are facing the same struggle, it’s definitely comforting knowing I’m not the only one who goes through this! I may look into a writing coach someday – was this something you have done in the past?
I’d love to hear how you’ve managed your fear of writing – what works for you?
- Jenn
Thanks for the reply. I haven’t used a writing coach, specifically, but I have used coaching generally to change my life. It’s not that I’m “cured.” I still have hesitater tendencies, but I’ve just learned ways to break through. (And I still like parts of my hesitater self!)
In the process, I have been trained as a coach (certified NLP) and have worked as a life coach for 10 years. It is just so important to know that there are ways out of stuck.
As far as writing goes, my favorite book is Immediate Fiction by Jerry Cleaver. I know it’s about fiction, but chapters 12 and 15 are terrific on dealing with so called “writer’s block.”
If you would like more ideas, let me know.
Jan
PS–I love the ocean as a head-clearing place. Is this East or West Coast?
Thanks Jan! The picture, and my go-to spot is of Ocean Beach, in San Francisco
I can definitely relate to this. I tend to write in spurts where I have moments of revelation and then back into a dry spell where everything that hits the screen seems like total garbage. I tend to take full advantage of those moments of inspiration where the words seem to flow but how I wish the dry spells were far and few between. I’m glad you decided to post this and glad to see you in Location Rebel.
Hi Matt,
I love what you said about feeling like some of what comes out is “garbage”…that so perfectly describes how it feels sometimes! You are so right on about the moments of inspiration. When it works, it just works. I always know when I’m in a groove because I can write pages and pages and never even feel it…although I only seem to really grasp those moments after they have passed, and I’m reading those old entries while I’m suffering through another pile of garbage
Thanks for sharing, and glad to be a part of the Location Rebel community with you!!
- Jenn
Bonjour Jenn
Your words spoke to me as sometimes, i have to write something but the inspiration is not there, my head is empty and i spend my time writing one sentence, deleting it, writing something else..etc with no end. Maybe we just can’t force something that isn’t there at this moment time, maybe we have to let the words, the sentences and the meanings come to us, that’s why sometimes we can get up at 2am and feel the need to write something. Inspiration has no time, no cubicle and no rules, that’s why it can be so magic sometimes. Great post for someone who didn’t have anything to write
Hi Caroline!
OMG….seriously, if you look at the “delete” key on my laptop, its noticeably more worn than most of the other keys! I agree with you, that we probably can’t (and shouldn’t) try to force the writing process, but as Matt noted below, those moments of blissful inspiration just make the blocks of nothingness in between all that much more stark and difficult. I’m not sure there ever will be a happy medium, at least not for me, but knowing other writers out there go through the same thing definitely helps!!
Thanks for sharing the insight – strangely enough, I’m sitting at an airport bar, crammed in with scores of other travelers and I couldn’t feel more comfortable writing. Inspiration is strange and beautiful stuff….not necessarily timely or convenient, but you’re right, when it happens its magical.
- Jenn
Hello! I don’t think it means you made the wrong choice. Just be patient and eventually things will come to your head, and you will be writing like theres no tomorrow. It’ll all fall together.
Thank you Shannon! Patience is definitely not one of my strong suits, so I’ll have to work on that one! But you’re right, eventually everything does seem to work itself out!
Thanks for the encouragement!
- Jenn