An Open Letter to the Man Who Does Not Love Me

March 7, 2012

Maybe you didn’t know. Maybe, somehow, by some cosmic misunderstanding, you missed the signs.

I suppose it’s possible you didn’t feel the rapid beating of my heart as you held it so carelessly in your hands, never fully understanding how even the slightest squeeze could transform me into a giggling school girl, or a shuddering mess of tears on the bathroom floor.

Maybe.

But, I think you knew. And if I’m honest with myself, I knew it too. I knew you didn’t love me. But I let myself fall for you anyway.

I say “let” but really, did I have any control over the preference of my heart? Trust me, I tried not to love you. We’d never work out.

You hate the beach, and I feel slightly uncomfortable if I don’t have sand in my hair. You’ve never listened to Talking Heads, even though that’s my all time favorite band. You never ask me how my day was. You never tried. Not for me, not for us.

This isn’t how love should be, and I know it. But fuck if my stubborn fucking heart wouldn’t fucking listen.

I told it this would happen. Could see it miles and miles away, yet I kept reaching. Drawn to you as if bewitched by some ancient curse.

Intellectually, I know you don’t love me. But my intellect and my heart don’t seem to be on speaking terms, because that heart just doesn’t get it. My heart is a fucking idiot.

But then again, so is yours.

Somehow, in the process of offering my love to you, I forgot why you should love me in the first place. More importantly, I forgot why I should love me.

So, to the man who doesn’t love me (but totally should).

Fuck you. Goodbye, best of luck, nice knowing you and all that.

I’ll be on the beach, blasting David Byrne & co. whilst telling the man caressing my strongly beating heart about my incredible day.

Your loss.

 

Sincerely,

Jennifer

 

 

© 2012 – 2013, FearLess Jenn. All rights reserved.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah March 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm

What a badass letter!

Keep up your amazing Fearless work! (I hope to join in soon!)

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FearLess Jenn March 7, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Thanks Sarah! Would love to hear a story from you someday as well!

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Caroline March 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm

It’s a very touching and powerful post Jenn and I know your feelings…Is this person from the past or from the present?

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FearLess Jenn March 7, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Hi Caroline! Thanks, glad you liked it! As far as who I’m referring to, it’s more of a composite of the types of guys I’ve fell for over the years…in other words, I’ll never tell :)

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Caroline March 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I understand :) Men are a mystery…

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scholag March 8, 2012 at 6:32 pm

too true, just like u were writing what’s on my mind! Some men r not really worth loving… Nice work jenn

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